Last week, as we attempted to enjoy a nice meal in the Student Center – using our previously mentioned pristine etiquette, of course – we were so disgusted with the outfits we saw that we lost our appetites. So, we decided to give Temple our early wish list for Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, Festivus or whatever holiday you celebrate. We never want to see the following:
1. UGGs, leggings and a North Face jacket as an outfit. Instead, wear a pea coat, jeggings and leather boots. Refer to Kenny Thapoung’s Oct. 18 column “A Cheaper Winterwear” for assistance.
2. “Bro couture,” i.e., socks with sandals, gym shorts, a fitted cap and a shirt with ripped sleeves. Instead wear, a pair of boat shoes, well-fitted jeans and a comfortable sweater (not a hoodie).
3. Pajamas or sweatpants to class. Comfort doesn’t have to be ugly. Comfortable jeans or leggings for girls provide a classy alternative.
4. Unnatural colors on the bottom half. If the color doesn’t occur naturally, it shouldn’t be on your body. Period. Neutrals are your friends.
5. White. Winter white is OK. Cream is fine. Off-white is good. No bright white.
6. Muffin top with a tight shirt and a “whale tail.” Keep the whale safe under the ocean and your muffins in the oven by buying jeans that complement your shape.
7. Crusty socks. Socks cannot be worn with heels, socks cannot be worn visibly above the ankle, white socks cannot be worn with black shoes and black socks are your friends.
8. Running sneakers or hiking boots with jeans. Unless you’re hitting the gym in your Sunday best, there is no reason to wear running sneakers with jeans.
9. Inappropriate clothing for winter. We all know you’re trying to get it in wearing that skimpy mini skirt. However, you shouldn’t have to be cold to get hot. Leave something to the imagination.
10. No snow apparel unless it’s snowing. Unless there is a blizzard, there is no reason to wear snow boots. Sperrys are made to endure some water. Parkas are only appropriate during an ice age.